+ Very funny. Who put this fake bomb in the cockpit?
+ I’ve got $20 if I can borrow someone’s GPS…
+ You guys ever done a loopty loo?
+ We’ve just reached our cruising altitude of 130,000 feet…
+ We should be arriving at SOL in no time.
+ As you may know, today is bring your daughter to work day…
+ Welcome aboard Flight 815. This is your captain, Frank Lapidus.
+ Your in-flight movie today is going to be Beaches.
+ Honestly, I can’t see shit without my glasses.
+ Just out of curiosity, would we happen to have an electrician on board?
+ Forgive the turbulence there, folks. I took these pills a little bit ago that I really thought were Tylenol.
+ If you take a look out your right window you can see- OH DEAR GOD!
+ How about a round of applause for Air Marshal Phillips, who shot and killed a terrorist on this very plane earlier today!
+ I don’t mean to alarm you, but does anyone know how to handle a cocaine overdose?
+ It’s pretty foggy, but my gut says we’re almost there.
+ Are you sure it’s off? What does that light mean? You’re positive they can’t hear us? Alright. Hey, did you get that camera installed in the bathroom? Oh yes. Niiiice. That’s live video? Ohhh dude, that’s the chick from the exit row. I saw her board the plan. What is she… seventeen? Wowzas. Daddy like. Daaaaaddy like. Good call on that one, my man. Seriously, why is that light on? What’s it say there? Inter-something. Inter, inter, inter… intercom? SON OF A BITCH, CARL!